A relationship that started off over the internet one that began as simple chatting but soon began to bloom to something so much more.  I & He met on our favorite TV shows FB page.  But how strange that you could find someone so wonderful and fall so deeply in love with a person you hardly know but as the chat time evolves to hours at a time you begin to realize that love knows no distance that feelings can be shared although there is thousands of kilometers separating you. You go through phases when you wonder why things could be so difficult and why everyday it seems as if another obstacle is in the way, but all this seems so irrelevant when spending that precious time with the person you love.

Now we talk almost daily & there was a time when he messaged me every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. 
He tells me he loves me and I believe him and I do believe that what I feel for him is love. 

Simply put, he is amazing.  He's so funny, so handsome, so caring, so intelligent, so loving, so... everything.  And it's not crazy infatuation-  I know he's not perfect, nobody is.  He is however perfect for me.  

There are  endless, FB messages & emails. I miss him terribly when he isn't around and there are times when it would be so very nice to have that hug for those rough moments (which seem endless when facing alone) but I remember, we may be separated by distance but not in the mind, heart, and soul. We talk about everything that happens during the day, good and bad. As best as we can - we are there for one another and support each other through our lives. We cherish each moment, never take one another or times for granted, and when together we enjoy our times to the fullest.

For the first few months we  talked atleast 4 times a week at night when he returned from office. He don't know Urdu/Hindi so always took my help in translating things for him in English and that was when i felt my first connection with him because I was the one whom he used to approach for translating things most of the time. He said he loved talking to me and i said the feeling was mutual so from then on we seemed to talk every other day even to the point that i would wait up until 3 am just to talk with him (my excuse was i couldn't  sleep because i usually sleep late but in reality i used to be really sleepy ). We talked more and more until eventually it seemed like we only had facebook to talk to one another but we never really showed feelings for one another we just seemed to always say how much we loved talking together and inside I felt something for him that i had never felt for anyone though i had never even met him, the day of realization came after about 1.5 months of continuously talking.  

Soon he met with an accident & landed up in the hospital. His sudden disappearance made me worried. When I inquired he told me that he had a fight with someone and was hit by a bottle on the head. He was supposed to have a surgery. His last words before going in the OT made me mad at him . He said "I hope something goes wrong with me. I wish to die but before that you ought to know that I love you". This brought tears in my eyes , I replied in anger "I wish to die before  something happens to you" & I left promising myself not to talk to him again. 
I was expecting him to return by night but he didn't , this made me tensed. Luckily, after a day I got a message but it was his friend who told me he is in critical situation & need my prayers. I prayed for him like I never prayed for anyone else. I kept asking his friend about how he is after almost every hour. When he couldn't gain conscious for a day , I couldn't control & cried helplessly. I was stunned because a strong girl like me was crying for a fb friend. That time I felt there is something about him else why would I cry like this for just a fb friend. 

On valentines, he made a video for me & told  he loved me too because I already confessed my love for him  when I was flooded with so many questions . That moment my heart just exploded with joy. I always hesitated to tell him what I feel for him until he did. I couldn't believe we both had the same connection and that he had loved me for the same length of time, i was ecstatic at the thought of finally loving someone and he loved me too. The exact date was Feb 14th 2012 that we officially became a couple and I told this to my bestfriends and to the amazement of my friends that i knew personally, they couldn't believe that i was in a relationship with someone i had never met but nobody could take this feeling from me or understand it. 

 I used to be that kind of person, swearing up and down that I'd never be in a  relationship, because all guys are same, relationships are for time pass, they never work out, and there's room for your significant other to cheat on you. 
But then I fell in love, completely by accident, and learned first hand that you don't choose who you fall in love with no matter how difficult things are. 

We talk almost every night , sometimes several times a day, and we still haven't gotten tired of each other or run out of things to talk about. We fight, of course, just like any other couple, and yell and call each other names, but there's never any doubt that we'll make up and things will be fine. I feel after the fights we sort of feel closer, less distant, and the way we resolve it, we talk it out and everything is then fine. We say our sorry's, we say we love each other so much and stuff and it's all. He knows how to make me feel better easily, he's understanding and just...amazing.

We've known each other for 9 months 21 days , and have been officially together for the past 8 months 1 day, and the good times have been the best of my life... But all the times in between? When you're upset & you want to hug someone, when you're crying & want someone to wipe your tears , when you need someone to talk to and when you don't have a hand to hold ... You start to feel like some unloved social reject who can't get a boyfriend despite how you do have a boyfriend, and you are very much loved by someone, it's just someone who's not present. 

We have experienced a lot of emotions over this time and distance, ups and downs, and still we find ourselves reaching out to one another.
"True love doesn't happen right away; it's an ever-growing process. It develops after you've gone through many ups and downs, when you've suffered together, cried together, laughed together."  
Yearning for the time when we can be together, wondering if it will ever happen.  Praying to God for patience and enough love to bridge this gap until we are face to face.  I often find myself wondering, what will that first moment together be like?  Will we laugh?  Will we cry? But the biggest question is will we be able to meet some day? 

That first tentative, feeling like you are losing your mind, "I love you", has turned into  the sweetest, most wonderful love either one of us could have ever imagined.

I can feel that he loves me more than before, that's for sure.. He's my Mr.perfect that I love more than anyone else, my Mr.perfect that I care for more than anyone else. 

I'm really lucky to have a wonderful guy, who loves me, treats me right, shows me how special I am to him, cares for me, is loyal, cute, sweet, sincere, has a big heart and wonderful feelings towards me and the most important thing: shares his feelings and thoughts with me . I love him so much and no matter how many miles exist between his country and mine, no one will affect all these amazing feelings we share.I feel so proud of this relationship that my Monster and I have... I think that saying thanks for coming into my life won't be enough to express all the gratitude I feel for having him as part of my life. 

But since everyone says the course of true love is never smooth . " The course of true love never did run smooth. "
Just like that the two of us have no idea how things would be for us in the upcoming months. 

We both know we'll have to break up one day because things wont turn in our favor  But then I love him so much. He is my first crush, my first love ever. How can I let go of someone who had given me so many beautiful memories, who has always helped me out, who always brought a smile on my face , who understands me well,  who cares for me so much, and most of all who loves me. 
"My bf is arguably the best bf in the world. He will sit with me through anything that's wrong and he knows every time something is bothering me. He would do anything when I'm sick just to make me feel better. He would do anything for me ever just to see me smile. I love him so much for being the best."

The mere thought of loosing him bring tears in my eyes. But remember,
"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter."
Because he has become my addiction . He is just like a drug . I just cant stop thinking about him. He is always on my mind no matter how far we are from each other . I just find it hard to spend a day without talking to him then how can I expect to live my whole life without him. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am the most unluckiest girl on earth because the  person whom I  love more than anyone else cant be MINE. 

I love him more by every passing day . 
Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know I can't do that. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I will have to make it through this.

The feelings grow stronger. The more I try to stay away from him, the more I get attracted towards him. Though I have been advised by people to go with the flow & he also takes his future as it comes - But I am afraid to loose him therefore I just cant stop thinking about our future which is uncertain. 

If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

The questions popping in my mind are unanswerable . Will we have to let go of each other? Will we have to breakup considering there is hardly 1% chance of us getting married? Will there be a sad ending to this love story as well?

So today, I've finally realized that I'll have to see him leaving me one day. This is a bitter truth, but no one can change the  reality. I don't regret a single thing infact I feel proud to be loved by someone like him. But the time has come for me to accept someone else at my place. Its going be more than painful for me. 

But I would want to see my monster HAPPY , even if I am not the reason behind it. I wish him all the very best for his future life. 

My world has already fallen apart. I have lost that one person who is my world. All those dreams are shattered. I still feel the same for him today as I did 8 months back. Its just that I'll have to stop myself from showing all those feelings. 

I need him right now more than ever. But I just can't tell him. He is with me today even but my heart says he is no more mine. Might be he was never mine. I wish I could have realized all this long back cos I've fallen too deeply. I don't know how will I get out of all this even.

I want to spend our anniversary with him that is on Dec 24, but how will I pass these two months ? Knowing he'll have to leave me someday & will marry that girl anyway . Things might get worse in these 2 months cos we won't obviously talk much trying to distance ourselves from one another.. And will eventually get more attached. The communication gap already kills me. I hope it'll be worth waiting for our anniversary  spending two tough months . May God give me the courage to deal with the worst situation. 

I still love you Monster more than you could imagine.But I would never get the chance to be called your wife. Yeah it'll be her. Not me. That's what God wants.

Maybe its true that true lovers can't  always be ONE. There are always some hurdles in their way. 

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.

10/16/2012 8:56am

haha nice :D from where did u find this dumb monster?

Blue lady
10/16/2012 9:04am

Lol. You read the whole thing? Read ur drama queen's dramatic story! Ahh i found my monster from emirates hospital. He was all alone so i thought of adopting him <3 :P


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